Rules. Always dreaded by students. And people always try to find a way around them. But on the flip side of the issue, they are necessary. This, and the people's various methods to bend them...

Without rules, we are incapable of doing anything. For every action, there is a logical reaction - or a few logical reactions. And a rule governs the possible reactions.

Many thoughts. Many situations bear analysis. For instance, screwing up the sound check and not being allowed to play. Why did I screw up the sound check? Because I was nervous. Why was I nervous? Because I was on stage?


Come on, it happens to many people... but not to me. I don't get stage fright. I've been playing 6 years already, with solos on stage, and never worried in the later years. The first few times, yes; after that one gets used to the feeling of being on stage. The trick is to lose yourself in the task. I have no problems doing that.


No, and though it is a bit hard to admit, I was nervous because of my reputation as a cellist. What will they think if I play badly? Word will go around that they brought a lousy cellist in. And I feared that. Now, what was my definition of fear?


Fear only comes into play when something important to one comes into play. And this leads to the conclusion that my reputation is important to me.


It is also known that fear cripples ability. So I should not fear. Meaning, I should not view my reputation as something important... in order to gain it.


Now, why is my reputation important? I can't answer that question. Perhaps the fear of losing it has blinded me? I will think about this another time.


My logic isn't really going to solve this problem - although I do think it makes some headway. I shall bookmark this topic - and I'm lazy to finish the practice method. Although I have been following what I wrote so far; running scales and etudes first before jumping into the variations themselves. I do need to see Mr Chan for further instruction.


Actually, when training, I find it best to think before doing things. And I have no doubt I'll be able to come up with the rules on practice again...so I guess I won't need it either. It's been a productive day today - as much as it can be - and I'm going to continue making good use of it.


Cellist, out.
(I can't remember how long it was since I last ended like that. Sounds very noticeably-acting-cool-therefore-not-cool but heck, does it matter as long as I realise it? It's not like I'll do it all the time.

Then again, maybe I should do it all the time to see what happens. No, that's a bad idea. And here comes another gigantic logic loop...)


I'll just do what I feel like doing at the moment. CELLIST, OUT.