I can't sleep; my mind's too clouded.


Today's been a horrible day. My cello's been subjected to various temperature changes, I had to wake up at 7am to get to school, got into an argument with my cousin, played the worst shit I've ever heard for the Japanese visitors, and stoned one entire night.


I'm not that thick-skinned as to let everything pass while I look on unconcernedly, or even worse: to meddle around for fun and not give a damn about the results.


Some have desensitised; maybe they were forced to by circumstances. I can't. It doesn't seem the right thing to do. And I don't want to know the person that will turn me into.


For everything I've learnt and accomplished, life still goes around in circles.


Other people like to give their instruments names. I've often been puzzled how they determine its gender. I wonder whether my cello's a guy or girl? Girl, probably... or I wouldn't be thinking of taking her out to play under the moon! One that I'm really comfortable around and have nothing to hide from. She's been through a lot of hard knocks and scratches despite my best efforts to protect her, and travels quite regularly. Perhaps she's a little too fun-loving.


Even after this I still don't feel comfortable referring to my cello as "she". On the other hand, referring to it as "he" would imply almost certainly a gay relationship... which is definitely not the case.


Will think this out some other time, preferably after seeing her again soon.


STILL can't sleep. Thinking about the one I intend to spend my life with seems to have that sort of effect.