just when I thought it couldn't get any worse.


I'm tired.


each day I have to deal with a new mishap. An endless supply of bad luck. How much longer will it last?


I keep telling myself. Just wait for next year. We will get the Gold with Honours at SYF. Just get into HCJC and the JC orch and I'll be reunited with my seniors. Everything will be all right.


If I don't die before I get there.


As soon as we claim a victory yet another wave of sadness drenches me.


I am chilled to the bone.


One day of misery after another. Knowing each day will bring some new torment to burn away at my spirit.


I don't even feel it as much as I should. It's there, but distant, untouchable.....yet still within me.


you put your hand on my heart and tore it out of me. Then you crushed it in your fingers and left me.


if only that were literal.


I'm cold......


I don't know if I'm going insane. I don't know if I'm going to die.....


my school life is shit. my playing is shit. my family is shit. and that.....was worse than shit.


airport staff are fuckers. halfwits. idiots. assholes.


illiterate.


can't even read a FRAGILE sticker.


not even when there are 6 on my cello.


my fingerboard is gone


and why do I go on, I ask myself yet again.


a distant whisper


for music


for hciso


my duty is done


i have given.


much less than i owed


but my time is over.


am i doomed to search forever for something I will never find


is such an experience even worth living through


i escaped the circle of ignorance


to fall into a downward spiral


there is no energy left


escape velocity is an impossibility


what lies at the bottom


nobody knows


let's get straight to the point shall we.


I want to die.