the problem here, is how to achieve ideals without becoming my own enemy.


Mugging's not a bad thing but it's those people who will drop everything else to mug. Surely life is more than that. But where does that put me and my cello? Or Alan himself even? It's just a measure of how much the skill/information/subject means to oneself, and I don't know where to draw the dividing line. Or which side I'll be on.


People can parrot-cry that the world isn't a fair place and that some will always be better than others, but I do get rather sad for the ones who try and try, and never get anything out of their efforts, while they watch the supposedly more talented ones breeze through the same task hardly lifting a finger.


Many people do seem to belong to one of those groups, comparatively speaking; it's always one or the other no matter who you're talking about. I've been lucky enough not to fall behind(but is this already a sign of my own elitism?) but I don't want to be the one who speeds ahead and laughs cruelly at 'lower life-forms'.


Educational discrimination is a difficult thing to live with. Compare, compare, compare - does the entire system know anything else? Competition levels bring comparisons, comparisons bring discrimination against all sorts of people.


I'd like to drop out from the entire education system and go study music. But that'd probably also mean a certain degree of alienation. As Alan would know better than me...


I'm confused. How do I scale heights without getting alienated - or worse, becoming a snob(if I'm not already?)