My mind just moves too fast for my mouth to catch up. Not that I think fast, it takes a lot of time to translate into words.


I'm just too tired for equivocation here. And too lazy to post a complete description of the trip. Who cares, really? Other people will write it on their blogs.


The trip was really good. Many happy memories. And concerts were a success. But I leave behind my entire life for the past 5 years. One of those things I do well is focus. And focus I did on the one instrument, one ensemble which meant everything to me, only to have it all taken away at the end. It was inevitable, I always knew. But I never expected to be this sad. And since I can't be happy and sad together I'm just sitting here emotionlessly typing all this out. Music will remain a part of my life, but without the people that made it all happen, it seems like a huge chunk's been taken out. I don't doubt that my successors will do well.


There's so much to say that I can't say.


My entire world is built on the foundation of music and the friendship of musicians. But there is so much more to learn, and I can't do everything here... I'll go on to play Haydn's 2nd cello concerto someday, and finish the Rachmaninov sonata... maybe even the Shostakovich concerto and my long-term target, the Kodaly solo sonata. A musician playing pieces of that level can't really learn much in a school ensemble.


In sooth, I do know why I am so sad. But I don't see a way out of this. Everything happens for a reason, I believe. I believe also that my thought process differs from that of most other people. This is my blessing, and my curse.


Listening to Brahms cello sonatas now and actually ENJOYING them. I'm rather shocked as I've never heard a Brahms piece I liked before. The credit here goes to Du Pre=p and for that, I'll quit writing for tonight.


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to break new ground, one must move out of one's comfort zone, I suppose.


Was discussing the possibility of learning to appreciate pieces by actually playing them. Worth a try, I think. So I'm going to durian tomorrow to borrow some stuff.