Music, life and difficulties

I think I need to write.

It's been some time.(Overused phrase.) Many things to write. They all vanish before I have the presence of will to record them.

But I do think I should. Don't know why I should, just a feeling.

Come to think of it, there are times when the entire post just runs on raw emotion. It's not that great for readers, maybe.

So there was the day at rehearsal, and the man practising outside before we started; it was his solo, and he put all his heart into it.

Is that a professional? I know, the real definition refers to someone who does it for money; but when professionalism comes in, the word takes on a different meaning.

Perhaps the professional is the one who delivers rain or shine, regardless of what he's gone through that day. I remember I was exhausted that day. I remember there were many days I did not give my best.

What is professionalism, and drawing upon the meaning of professionalism, do I want to be a professional?

Then there was the issue of people doing things they really didn't feel like doing. Perhaps the good person is the one who does the right thing when he doesn't feel like it?

Looking back, the good person is just the person who does the right thing, end of statement. So nobody is a good person all the time. But it's always good to try.

Then there was the one about life and music. And the phrase constructed then and copied.

reflected again and again, like two mirrors facing each other, till life loses its colour and months are passed in grayscale 

Maybe that's why my interest in music has dampened. Because I focus too much on music. Perhaps art is a reflection of life as the saying goes. And those who make art the central feature of their life, and never introduce anything much else of much interest...

They create reflections of reflections. Art reflects a life centered around art reflecting a life centered around art...

And the art loses its meaning.

Maybe I need to go out and experience life, if I am to make my music better.

And that brings me to my last point, which is today's point: no pain, no gain?

Perhaps it is the do-or-die situations that determine ultimately what one learns, and who one is.

If I want an interesting life, I have to force myself into difficult situations. Rather than saying no. Taking the easy way out. Saying I have no time. Sleeping enough and having all my meals on time. Rarely needing to say no to meeting friends for a game.

If I want interesting music, I have to have an interesting life.

I want interesting music. But sometimes, I don't want an interesting life.

There may be a problem here.

I think I've gotten myself into enough this time though. Well, back to what I always end up doing; ride the wave. Because life goes on. Whether you manage to get a surfboard and skim the top, swim towards some unknown destination, or just tread water and hope the calm sea doesn't turn into a storm, the tide still carries you along. No matter what, we are powerless to resist the current. The only way to truly get somewhere and stay there, is to sink to the bottom and die.

I may not have much interest in living life, but I have far less in not living, so time to move on and come back another day to write more.