I never imagined class discussions could be so relevant to my life.....


Philosophy. Her bane. The elective I was advised strongly against taking.


What would have happened if I'd done what she'd told me?


but it is this path I chose that set me thinking.


Determinism. Fatalism.


Is everything fated? No one can answer the question. It's a debate that has been going on for ages, and has no answer.


I don't want it to be. For I want my freedom. I want to know I have control over my life. I want to know I can make a difference. And it's me making the difference, not some decision of God.


But at the same time. I want it to be. What happened then..... it's better if I'd been a fatalist at that point in time.


Because it wouldn't have been my fault. I wouldn't have been the cause.


Is everything governed by the law of cause and effect?


Then everything must have a cause.


Why did I like her?


Some questions are beyond our capabilities to answer.


Would I then still have a hand in this? Can I bring us back, not to that level, but at least to some semblance of friendship?


the whole situation was one-sided


What is the correct approach to this? a fatalistic one? Or am I still able to change the future?


Is there a correct approach?


Was it my fault? Or was it fate?


Do I want my freedom? Or do I just want to push the blame?


or both?


you can't have your cake and eat it


------------------------------------


Today I went to Taka for this SYF event. Basically for crowd control.


1)I am NOT a council member!
2)I am NOT a JC student yet!
3)They don't allow us to play for SYF this year and they still bug us to come??!!

A total waste of time, money(I had to buy a white shirt for this) and also a very good opportunity to spoil my ears and fingers. Seriously.


Those people put me in front of the speaker. Right in front. When the speakers could be heard from the other side of Orchard Road.


#@$%..............


I hope I can still tune an A.


Lent pants to Bjorn and Siyuan. Repaid Minjun for dinner last night. Dennis still owes me $40.


Friday. First orch practice I skipped. Due to my retirement as ASL of the cello section. Well I was there at first... but I went to the JC side to retrieve a bass and after that watched part of the movie we made out of the Sweden trip. It's 30GB so please don't ask me for it. It'll take forever to transfer.


That's why I don't have it myself.


After our performance recording I left LT2 and went back to orch room to practice. What's the point of watching something like that? I lived it. I have the memories inside my head. I don't need a movie to remind me. Particularly one that I can't keep.


Aside from topic. It's amazing how much you pick up just by listening. I already have wind of a ton of things I'm not supposed to know... when Calvin Wong passed me that information at the JC orch we were all like "aiya we all know already lar......"


I shall continue to listen....